Thursday, October 11, 2012

I saw Jesus yesterday

After a long internal struggle my prayers were literally answered and confirmed that the Lord wanted me to make time every week to go to him in adoration.  A woman whom I don't know called me out of the blue and said she has been thinking about me for a few weeks and she suddenly stumbled across an e-mail I sent over 2 years ago inquiring about perpetual adoration.  She just knew she should call me.  I went on to argue with her about how a perpetual adoration chapel is more important to build than a gymnasium (the current plans for this parish), after which Mike admonished me for arguing with a messenger of God.  Stubborn as a mule :/.  So, for the past two weeks, I've gone and sat with Jesus and tried to pray.  I have no stamina though and get so easily distracted.  If God would ever do something so cliche as roll his eyes, I'm sure there would be all kinds of valley-girl eye rolling looking down on me.  But instead, I think he's patient and glad I'm there, however messy it is.

His happiness that I'm coming to him was confirmed yesterday during my weekly adoration.  I was praying (not distracted yet, still early), when I looked up and saw such a beautiful sight.  A faithful woman whose husband is a prominent physician in Fort Worth was walking out of the church, right in front of me, at the exact moment I looked up.  She was holding the hand of her teenage daughter who has Down Syndrome.  I've admired this young lady so many times before in the front pew but this sight was different.  I gasped for breath and silently said "oh my God, that's Jesus.  She is leading Jesus."  I watched them leave, watched the girl make the sign of the cross with holy water, and then left the church, the mom being ever so patient in leading her child.

I marveled for a few moments at this reality I just gained, that for the rest of the child's life, that mother has the privilege of leading Jesus through this world.  Let me explain in case you're not following.  Last week's readings were about how only the child-like can enter the kingdom of Heaven, and unless we make ourselves like little children, meek and trusting of God's love, we can not enter.  This teenager with Down Syndrome is forever child-like, she is not tainted by all the junk we are.  She has the benefit of remaining child like and trusting in God's love.  She is an innocent, and that's what I mean when I say she is a "Jesus" to this world.  She can show us complicated adults what it is to love unconditionally. 

Then it hit me:  I'm leading Jesus through this world too, through Dominic.  I intellectually knew this.  I know he will always be child-like and pure, thank God for that, but it never hit me like it did yesterday when I saw Jesus in the face of that young girl.  It makes everything a little easier when you can see the face of Jesus in your child, who is crucified here on earth with the pains and disabilities God has allowed, so that he will be spotless and perfect when he gains his reward. How quickly I forget to praise God for the good and the bad, and especially the crosses he gives to those he loves.  All of our crosses look different, but we can all carry them in solidarity with Christ crucified.  Praise God for his goodness.

In Them,

The kids love taking turns having Dominic lie in their beds at night during prayer time.  And Dominic loves it too, he goes crazy squealing with joy, kicking his lags and flailing his arms.