Saturday, November 2, 2013

Dominic's Confirmation- joy and pain

There have always been times in my life where God has taken a hold of my heart and changed me.  Sometimes these times are small, insignificant events which last but moments or days, and other times these are substantial, life-altering times that re-form my most inner being.   The times my heart is changed only for a moment is not due to the lack of grace being poured out upon me, but rather it is cut short by my own stubborn disobedience to His Divine Will.  Thankfully God can even overcome this!   When He makes my heart fertile ground, the lessons stick, making a lasting impact that literally changes my heart so that I can not even recognize the old me before this event occurred. 

Two weeks ago we had the privilege of experiencing such an event when our little baby saint Dominic was confirmed in the Catholic Church.  This is a very special circumstance because confirmation normally occurs as a teenager when a person can make a complete, free choice for themselves.  But for Dominic, and for kids like him who are at an immanent threat of sudden death, God in his mercy gives the sacrament of confirmation through His Holy Church at a tender age.

The joy, the Presence, the gratefulness felt at that moment can not be described in human terms.  It is a feeling that still penetrates my heart of pure gratitude and love for our Lord that these words do no justice for.  But amid all of the triumphant praises being sent from my heart to His, a real, deep, burning pain enveloped me.  I was surprised at the sobs that came forth during the confirmation and especially at my real sense of sorrow and mourning that came afterwards.  I wanted to write this sooner, to take you all along with us, but I literally had no words.  I would sit empty, hurting, as if a part of me was being severed, in wonderment of why such a joyful occasion would bring such pain.  Finally after several days of subtle joy and abundant tears, our Lord revealed the source of this anguish.  Because Dominic can not speak for himself, Mike and I spoke for him, and in that moment gave him over completely to God as His soldier, His warrior.  My pain stemmed from the tearing away of my own will and handing it over to God, along with my beloved son.  In a tangible way, I gave Dominic to God and with this handing over came the realization that God will use Dominic to accomplish His will here on earth for only as long as necessary then He will bring him to Himself to begin his real work.   The mother in me cried 'No!' with every fiber of my being, but the servant of our good God said 'yes' with complete submission to His Holy Will.  This submission is what caused the physical pain in my heart.  Like a proud but sorrowful mother sending her son into war, knowing he is serving the greater good but also knowing he may not return, so was I. 

Since then, the pain has subsided and the wound has begun to close.  It is with deep humility and thankfulness that I recognize and admit Dominic is not mine nor Mike's, but we are only his care-takers.  He belongs to God and is doing His work here on earth.   I submit myself to God's will and God-willing, will be ready when he is brought to begin his real work in Heaven.  For now though, we just continue to love, and hug, and kiss, and snuggle this little saint living under our roof for as long as we have him.  God never forgets His children and in His great love and mercy has given us the gift of confirmation for Dominic through His Church.  To this I am grateful to the point of having no words, only silent praise and thanksgiving in the deepest recesses of my heart.  God's mercy endures forever; may His Holy will be done now and forever!

Totus Tuus,

We are so very grateful to Msgr. Hart for being the hands of Christ and confirming our little saint and to Father Pio Maria for being Dominic's sponsor.  Dominic's new name after confirmation is Dominic Kilian Pio.  Kilian after the holy priest, Msgr. Kilian Broderick who married Mike and I and Pio after Saint Padre Pio of Pietrelcina.  Fitting.  :)

1 comment:

  1. You were experience exactly what Our Mother Mary must have gone through with Jesus. May God continue to bless you and your family. God has amazing plans for Dominic...