Monday, February 6, 2012

Another MRI... and me, the sheep

Two weeks ago, during Dominic's last surgery, he had an MRI that showed increased ventricle size.  The ventricles are spaces within your brain that cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) flows through.  This could be caused by an increase of CSF in the brain, or by the brain not growing.  Both of which suck.  Tomorrow we go for our follow up MRI where he will be put under again.  I'm feeling a bit anxious about this... seems like there are three possibilities: #1 no change, no answers, #2 increased CSF that may lead to a surgery to place a shunt (to allow the excess CSF to be removed out of the brain and drain in the the belly), or #3 confirmation that his brain is in fact not growing like it should.  I vote for #1.

My real fear is that we will go for our appointment tomorrow (we go see the neurologist directly after the MRI) and will be admitted.  That would suck.  I hate the ICU (where he always has to stay when he is in the hospital).  I hate the colors... I mean really, who paints a children's hospital light blue and gray.  The floors bug the hell out of me... I wouldn't have chosen those colors and the base boards just don't match.  I hate the noise and the constant cries and beeps you hear in it.  I hate having to go out of the room to use the restroom.  But really I hate the idea that he is so fragile that he has to be in the ICU.  That only specially trained nurses can care for him.  And that those said nurses mostly do things differently (and therefore wrong) than me ;).

I think I'm just anxious.  But I know I should never be anxious about tomorrow, because as they say, "Jesus' got this."  Just when I seem to be wandering off like a lost sheep again, our Shepherd grabs me by the neck with his staff and pulls me back to him.  I always pray "not for consolations, nor for suffering, but for the will of God only."  Lately though, He has given me such a strong burning desire for Him I can hardly contain myself.  I just can't wait to go to Holy Mass and receive Him in the Eucharist.  He is here, I feel Him.  Man, I love being Catholic.

In Jesus and Mary,

One of my favorites... Chubby D sayin' "you talkin' to me!?"

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