Saturday, March 31, 2012

Be careful what you pray for...

For the past couple of weeks I have been having a hard time with constantly having someone in our house (Dominic's nurses).  I say this carefully because I honestly could not do this without them.  There is just no way to properly take care of the other children and attend to his high needs alone, not to mention doing any sliver of housework I can get done (which honestly ain't much).  This has been a real struggle for me, having someone you are not friends with organically, but rather developing a friendship via forced encounters.  I have a hard time balancing that delicate friendship with my role as boss, making sure everything is done correctly, and delegating tasks in a firm but gentle manner.  It's just exhausting.  I want to be careful not to sound ungrateful though.  Luckily his nurses are wonderful, hard working, and know what to do without me telling them everything, every step of the way.  I am grateful for them, but still, tired.

All that to say God answered my weariness by having our weekday nurse unable to come for three days. We took advantage of this and did not ask for a replacement nurse.   It was refreshing to be alone with just the family and to see again that we can take care of Dominic all by ourselves.  It was good to be able to cuddle him without someone there and just be his mom.  His daily routine of care has become second nature to us so it really didn't seem too bad at all.  Mike was off of work so everything flowed smoothly.  Then Thursday came.

His regular nurse was still sick so I asked for a replacement.  I got the nurse whom I sent home early and asked not to come back a few weekends ago.  Be careful what you pray for... God is always faithful in giving you what you need, not neccessarily what you ask for.  In my case, I have prayed for humility.  So, I buckled up and got ready for "one of those days" and just focused on being positive and grateful.  And actually, it was just fine!  I tried to love her for who she was but was of course a bit on guard since last time her comments about disagreeing with The Church on certain things drove me crazy.  Let me explain... in an appropriate forum, disagreements are fine, even good, as they lead to growth and love for neighbor despite, or because of, your differences.  But not when you are at work, in someone else's home, within ear shot of young, malleable children, who have no business at their age knowing that people hate The Church.  It is clear when you walk into our home by the religious artwork and chapel what we believe.  It's just not appropriate to come into someones home and talk about why you think their religion is wrong... in front of their children.  A little respect and self control goes a long way.

All that to say I think she got the point last time that I was not happy about such things being brought up in front of the children (as Dominic's regular nurse says, I don't hide my emotions well) and this time nothing inappropriate at all was said.  She was even asked to cover the weekend night shifts and this has worked out great.  I came in last night after putting Mary back in her bed after she had gotten up and the nurse was trying to figure out how to run a power point presentation on her new laptop about the vent Dominic is on so she could learn more.  That's what I'm talking about!  What a difference from the nurses I have caught sleeping!

I am like a stubborn mule, being so gently led by God, while I "hee" and "haw" and pull all different directions, He is constant.  He just holds on to the rope, gives me freedom, and patiently waits for me to calm down.  When I do, he is so faithful in trying again to gently lead me to the abundant pasture of His love.  Thankfully, He IS patience and love.  If not I would surely be blindly feasting on the weeds I am so attracted to.  I have come such a short way, but am thankful for His faith in me.  To think, being loved despite your disobedience, to the point of an entire lifetime of The Shepherd searching for you, with the singular goal of bringing you home.  Wow.

In Jesus and Mary,
One of my favorites...

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