A Bad Idea

Last night I did a first... I Googled different genetic disorders.  Big mistake.  I found one that matched a lot of Dominic's features.  Then I remembered in the NICU when the geneticist saw him for the first time she thought he had a syndrome that affected the 4th chromosome.  The syndrome I found was from a deletion of the p arm of the 4th chromosome.  The features of the kids I found looked so similar to Dominic when he was first born, it was freaky.  Then I started reading the prognosis for these kids... bad idea.

So I know he doesn't have this particular disorder (because two chromosome studies say so), but boy are there so many similarities.  Dominic has all of the features of this particular disorder, plus many, many more.  I realized last night why all of the doctors say he is so confusing, like he is a modge podge of several different syndromes.  This syndrome has like 5 traits, all of which Dominic has, plus about 10 additional ones.

After an hour or so of reading about this, and getting totally upset, I stopped.  Like I said, the prognosis for these kids is not good.  I realized last night that I don't really want to know the name of what Dominic has.  I have so much hope for him right now.  I see him as a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult.  I don't really want to know if his disorder has a short life span.  I'd rather keep my hope.  I don't want to "prepare" for a grim future.  I want to look at that sweet, fat little man and hope for a long, happy, meaningful life.